Cinderella Movie Review: 6/10

Here we go, my first movie review.  Today I will be reviewing Disney's live action remake of my favorite princess story from my childhood, Cinderella.

Cinderella was my favorite princess growing up because she was the only one who didn't just pass out for some reason and wait sleeping on a bed for some man to come rescue her.  And she was the first character to prove that the best revenge against people who treat you like crap is living an awesome life.  Princess Ariel didn't wait to be rescued either but let's face it, she is a bit of a desperate hussy.  Selling your soul to a witch for a chance to get laid by a guy you saw walking on a boat one time?  Yeah, not exactly the fantasy love story I want.  Cinderella on the other hand had that prince going crazy trying to find her.  He knew she was the one the minute he saw her and didn't care if she was a commoner or royalty.  So without further delay, let us begin with the review.

Synopsis:  
No one needs this part do they?  I didn't think so.

Pros:
Alright, now I would like to talk about the things I liked about this movie.

1.) It was true to the classic Disney style fairy tale princess model.

• This movie did a great job a painting that picture of a fairy tale world where if you are just a good person no matter what happens, you will find true happiness in the end and your enemies will be miserable forever.
• The magic is silly and whimsical and there is no rhyme or reason for it but that's what makes it a fairy tale story.  If you want hard core fantasy magic, go watch the Hobbit and see the White Witch pass out after using all of her magical energy to cast one spell to banish the darkness.  If you want to see a light hearted movie about the magic of kindness, then see Cinderella.  
• If you go in planning to pick this movie apart, you will find that its easy to do.  But that's not really how it was intended to be watched.  Go in with the mind of a child and you will find it more enjoyable.  

2.)  The world/setting was BEAUTIFUL.  

• The palace of beautiful, the fantasy "kingdom" was beautiful, everything felt very fairy tale friendly.
• The Cinderella dress, the iconic slippers, the carriage and everything else was done perfectly.  
  

3.)  This movie kept nearly perfectly true to the Cinderella story while also filling in some missing pieces left by the cartoon.

• Outside of the mice not talking and a couple of other minor details, this is the same story you remember watching over and over again on VHS.
• This movie even added a few things like the explanation of why Cinderella's dad married such a horrible woman and why Cinderella didn't just leave after her dad died and why is the step mother so mean to Cinderella?  The explanation for that last one is pretty lame Disney crap but at least they tried.  More on that in the Cons section.

Cons:

Now for the things I didn't really care for.

1.)  The bull crap PC Disney message that was shoved down your throat the whole movie.  

• Disney is all about racial equality even when it completely breaks you out of the movie setting.  When you see movies set in times where women wore corsets and men wore swords on their hips, you don't expect to see a black person dressed as head of the kings guard or a nobleman.  It just didn't happen and the minute you see it your brain goes, "oh yeah, this is all fake."  Not what you want to happen when you pay $10 to be immersed into a fantasy world for 2 hours.
• They even go as far as trying the glass slipper on a black maiden's foot....um you were all staring at her all night long and the prince was with her for at least an hour, he didn't remember that she was white???
• We get it Disney, you are color-blind and we should all be color-blind but color-blind is not the same as actually blind.  

2.)  Black and white good and evil message

• Disney has always been a fan of saying these people are good people and these people are bad people and there is no in between.  Maleficent gave me hope that they may have been moving away from that message but alas, they are not.  
• At one point in the movie Cinderella asks her step mother why she is so cruel to her and the step mother just replies, "Because you are young, and beautiful, and good."  Um what?  That's it?  That's total horse crap.  

3.)  Not enough with the mice for my taste

• As someone who grew up with the cartoon, I remember the mice being a huge part of the movie.  They were funny and they did alot for Cinderella and in this movie they were just kind of there.
•  Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad they didn't make them talk like they did in the cartoon.  That would have been too much for a live-action movie.  But showing them interact with each other more would have made me alot happier

4.) Casting - Lots of people chosen from other very notable roles made it hard to see them in this world.

Ok, to the girl's credit, her acting wasn't that bad.  But the EYEBROWS MAN!!!  They were huge and thick and BLACK!!! STOP THE MADNESS!!!!  It was so distracting to me.  Just another huge reminder right on her face that she is an actress and not Cinderella.
Oh and she has an overbite from hell. :)  I SAID IT!!

The casting of the prince is probably not as big of a problem for other people as it is for Game of Thrones fans.  For Game of Thrones fans, every time you hear him talking about marrying for love your like....Rob, don't you remember what happened last time you did that?  *cough cough*...red wedding...*cough cough*

He will always be Rob Stark to me but he wasn't bad looking as a prince.








Bellatrix as the fairy god mother.  She was trying to be all "oh lovely dear, I want to help you, I'm so sweet" looking like this:

I just wanted to yell YOU KILLED SIRIUS BLACK DIDN'T YOU?!?!?!

Oh, you're Cinderella's mom are you?  

We know who you really are, Agent Carter.  Does Captain America know about this??

Professor Erik Selvig from Thor is the Grand Duke? 

 

WHERE IS YOUR MONOCLE SIR???

Overall I thought the movie was ok.  Not the best movie ever but not the worst either.  I give it a 6 out of 10.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away....I discovered Star Wars and my life changed forever

Ok so it wasn't that long ago and it really wasn't that far away, but about 3 years ago a friend of mine introduced me to Star Wars.  I knew absolutely nothing about the series other than a few names, they fought with lightsabers, used the force, and the guy with COPD is Luke's father.  That being said, I did not put together the pieces of the puzzle when I met little Ani in the first movie so I got to enjoy the full blown effect of the epic Star Wars twist.  

I watched the movies in chronological release date order instead of episodic because I wanted to experience it the way that so many other fans had (plus I was told that after watching the amazing lightsaber battles of episode I-III, episode IV-VI would seem really anticlimactic).  

So the whole time I'm watching these characters and thinking about how whiny Luke sounds, how funny Han is, and how badass and brave Leia is and I'm enjoying it.  But when you first watch Star Wars, it's alot to take in.  There are alot of new names to learn and new places and races and objects that are brand new.  So sometimes when you hear a name spoken and you don't know much about the name, you just kind of let it go in one ear and out the other.  

When the scene where Darth Sidious is telling Darth Vader that Luke is the child of Anakin Skywalker came about, I didn't think twice about it.  Anakin was only mentioned once by Obi-Wan as being a great Jedi Knight.  And the way Sidious said it, "He is the child of Anakin Skywalker" while talking directly to Vader, why would you say it like that if Vader was Anakin?  (I of course know the answer to this now, but before learning about how you relinquish your former self when you turn to the dark side, this just didn't make sense).  

So I of course made up my own scenario in my head to explain how Darth Vader was Luke's father.   Here's how it happened in my mind: Darth Vader had a love affair in his younger days, the girl got pregnant and Vader was not allowed to/didn't want to care for it.  The woman married a brave Jedi Knight named Anakin while she was still pregnant and she died in childbirth.  Anakin took on the boy to raise as his own.  Anakin later faced Darth Vader in combat when Luke was still a baby and fell to him leaving Luke to be raised by his aunt and uncle.  But Luke family did not want Luke to know that his actual father was a mass murdering Sith Lord so they decided to only tell him about Anakin.  Then when he faces Vader, Vader senses that Luke is actually his long lost love child from years ago and tries to convert him to the dark side.

  To me, this explained everything including why Sidious told Vader he was "the son of Anakin Skywalker."  Vader faced and killed Anakin so of course he would mention to him that this was his kid but maybe Sidious did not know that Vader had a love child running around. 

Anyway, because I came up with this elaborate story to explain everything away, I watched the entire original trilogy not knowing that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader were the same person.  As a matter of fact, it went longer than that.  I watched episode I thinking I was learning all about the backstory of the epic Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker who married Luke's mom and eventually fell defending the republic against Darth Vader.  I loved the kid.  I loved how smart he was and how he was a good pilot and had a good heart and loved his mom and dreamed of becoming a Jedi so he could help people.  I loved him like you would love any other hero in a series.  Then I watched him grow up and face so much heartache like the person who took him away from his home being killed almost immediately and his mom dying in his arms and my heart broke for him.  I hated to watch as that sweet little kid that loved him mom and pod racing got trampled by the impending darkness of his life.  

I remember getting suspicious when he killed the sand people but I shrugged off my suspicion thinking that he was still a padawan and started his training way way too late and that this was normal hero building back story.  You show that they are human and that they suffered and didn't react the best way and then they learned from it yada yada.  But then I started to notice how shady Palpatine was becoming and how close Anakin was with him and when Padme told Anakin she was pregnant....everything clicked.  Palpatine was Sidious, Padme was going to die in childbirth pushing Anakin over his emotional threshold and Sidious will be there waiting for him on the other side.  Anakin would not be murdered by Vader, he would become him. 

My entire perception for 5 movies and 14 hours had been wrong.  That plot twist hit me like a brick wall.  As I had become very attached to seeing Anakin overcome his treacherous back story, the emotional weight of this realization was astounding.  I have never had a movie or a book or a game or other story whatsoever hit me emotionally the way this did.  My love for the world and the characters developed so naturally and progressively that I didn't even know how emotionally involved I was until I was hit with this massive plot twist.  From that moment on, I knew I was hooked.  I couldn't get enough.  I have spent the last 3 years of my life dedicating nearly every bit of my free time to learning more about the Star Wars universe.  

Looking back I feel so stupid for missing the obvious clues but I was just stuck on the idea that Anakin was a good guy.  Maybe it was a name that I heard before I watched the series and I never heard it spoken in reference to a villian so my brain put that name in the good guy stack forever and I just couldn't let go of that notion.  I don't know.  

Either way, I think my Star Wars friend got just as much enjoyment watching me figure it all out as I did experiencing it.  He was great about not giving any spoilers. So in some ways I am angry that I went 22 years without ever knowing the joys of Star Wars.  But on the other hand, being so blindly shut off from it allowed me to experience it for the first time in a way that most people don't get to because they learn too much about it before ever even seeing it.

Now please do not take from this story that I am some Rebel scum Jedi groupie because I was cheering Anakin on to become some great Jedi.  I assure you that nothing could be farther from the truth.  But that's for another time.  :)